Another
by Wilwarren
Summary: Bella still suffers from the loss of Edward and she invented a new method to keep her distant lover close. But two things she didn’t count on are that she could lose her best friend over that and she may realize that he is in fact more than just that. J/B
1. The plan

Almost a year had passed since Edward left me, and I hadn't heard a word from him since. I expected it to be like this, since he said it would be as if he never existed. Although, I may had expected it, but I found myself unable to accept it.

Everybody said that I looked better now. Ha… that wasn't really much of an achievement; any state would be better than that of a zombie. I owed my newfound 'happiness' to my best friend, Jacob Black.

He was a life saver… in more ways than one. It wasn't just my mental sanity that I owed to him, but also the thousands of times that he saved me from my enemies.

Just a few weeks ago, Jacob and his pack freed me from Victoria. Unfortunately, there was no way that he could free me from my thoughts, but being near him made them easier to live with, easier to endure. Without him, my thoughts tended to focus on my time with Edward.

After the cliff diving incident, where Jacob had saved me from an assured death, I was no longer able to hear Edward's voice. As soon as my father became aware of what I had done, including my thrill of riding motorcycles, he banned me from all things he considered dangerous. He also grounded me for a month; which was unnecessary; my guilt for making Charlie miserable and my inability to call forth my lover's voice made my need to be reckless diminish.

Since it wasn't possible to infuriate Edward by breaking my promise to be safe, I focused on doing things that I knew would annoy him. I did that by doing little things that I he wouldn't like, such as, cheating on my exams, cutting my hair, and getting a tattoo. Ok… so maybe I didn't get a tattoo, I went into the tattoo shop and started too, but I chickened out when I heard the needle. Doing these careless things made me feel like he was with me... as if he cared.

Of course, Jacob didn't know about my attempts to keep Edward near. I knew that he wouldn't understand, and that he would be pissed off. He usually was, when I did something he felt was stupid, related to my ex-boyfriend. Therefore, I continued to let him think that I was all right, to let him think that I was over Edward. It was better for our friendship. Jacob had made such an effort to try to make me feel good. The last thing I wanted to do is to disappoint him. I owed him so much and was forever in his debt.

I knew that Jacob wanted me. Many times he had stated that I was the right girl for him; but I knew he was wrong. I loved Jacob, he was the most important person in my life, and that was why we couldn't be together. I wanted the best for him. Someone, who could make him happy, someone, who could be with him fully. Someone, who wouldn't constantly compare him to her previous partner. Someone, who was honest with him. I didn't want to play games with his heart.

I often felt guilty about not telling Jacob how I really felt about Edward, how I invented methods to keep Edward near me. Other times, I knew that it was better for Jacob and my friendship. Actually, if I was completely honest with myself I was afraid that if I did tell Jacob the truth, he would give up on me and leave. So, I continued to withhold this piece of information and pretended that everything was fine again. The downside to my dishonesty was that Jacob had been waiting for me to be well again, so that he could have his chance. I wasn't sure what to do now, or how to handle the situation. I found these thoughts floating through my head as I made my way out of school.

I had almost reached at my truck when I heard my name being called. I recognized the voice as belonging to my new lab partner, Martin. He was a very sweet guy, and it was obvious that he had a crush on me. I may had something to do with that… Normally, my reaction to a boy's attempt to get my attention would be to act cold and dismissive, but with Martin, I fed the fire. He was my new project and completely unaware of it.

When the idea first came to my mind, I was ashamed; I wasn't that kind of girl. However, Martin was persistent, and he kept asking me out. He said the sweetest things, and I was starting to give in to my plan. It would be so bad, so not like me. I knew it would anger Edward and so I came to decision - Martin and I would be an item.

Naturally, it had nothing to do with his charm, his looks, not even his personality. Actually, it had nothing to do with him at all. Anyone would have been suitable. However, Martin was so persistent. In addition, he was new to school and didn't know anything about my past with Edward. He was the perfect subject. He wasn't too bright, wasn't into music or art, he wasn't wealthy and his only interest, besides myself, was sports. Edward would hate him.

This wasn't the first time, since Edward had left, that I had thought about going into a relationship. There was just no preferable nominee, until now. Mike was out of the question, he dated Jessica, and they were steady… most of the time, anyway. The other boys who were interested in me when I was fresh meat the last year, either were taken or had simply lost interest during my zombie phase.

Of course, Jacob was very interested in me, but he was clearly and undoubtedly out of the question. I would never do that to him. I wouldn't play with his emotions. His friendship was priceless to me. Jacob was the one who was holding me together, and he was my only worry when I was making my plan. I knew that he would not be happy about this, but I was determined to take this step.

It was perfect. I wouldn't be breaking my word to Charlie. Dating wasn't dangerous. I wouldn't be breaking my word to Edward. It wasn't reckless either, but it would make him mad that I was using someone. That was why I was doing it.

I hoped like hell he was watching over me. That was the real reason, why I was doing this. I was unwilling to accept that he would let me go forever. I knew that Alice would surely keep him updated on me. I knew that when she looked, she would see Martin at the moment I said yes to him.

Martin caught up with me at my truck. I turned to him and tried to do my best to encourage him, so I smiled at him wide. He responded with a similar grin, but unlike mine, his was genuine.

"Bella, you left so quickly," he panted out of air. Did he run all the way to talk to me? What could be so important that it couldn't wait until tomorrow? We had class together every day.

"Yeah, I have a date with a friend," I answered before I could think it over. I was headed La Push. Jake and I were supposed to spend the afternoon together. Like always. However, why did I call it a date, especially in front of Martin?

"A date?" his smile visibly fell at my hasty answer.

"Oh, nothing like a date…date. It's more like an… appointment, or not even that… it's just - " I found myself trying to explain my relationship with Jake. I wanted to make sure that Martin understood that it wasn't a date in a romantic way; on the other hand I felt bad saying that it wasn't. I could easily picture Jacob's disappointed face after he heard that. "Anyway, not something that cannot be delayed," I concluded.

"I'm glad about that, because I wanted to ask you out on a date… a cannot be delayed one," he joked.

I had been waiting for him to ask me out, but now that he was, I just wanted to say no. I didn't like this guy. Yes, he was good looking and athletic, he was on the soccer team. He was popular and every girls' dream, perfect boyfriend material. I had never imagined it would be this hard to pretend I was interested, but I was willing to make sacrifices. So I took a deep breath and said, "Sure, why not?"

Oh, Edward would be so pissed, and Jacob…well, I wasn't sure exactly how he was going to react.

On my drive to La Push I contemplated how I should announce the news to Jacob. My first idea was the direct approach, namely, as soon as I get there I stand in front of him and tell him that I have a date; and I could watch the heartbroken expression on his face. Or I could tell him that he should be happy, because he helped me feel better, and as a result I was going on a date; and then I could watch the heartbroken expression on his face. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and wait until he finds out on his own; and then watch the heartbroken expression on his face. No matter what, it seemed like, there was no way to avoid breaking Jacob's heart. I really should tell him face to face and not let him just find out, but I had no idea how.

As usual, Jacob was waiting for me at the door as soon as I arrived in front of his house. He was smiling at me, no, he was beaming, and I felt my heart sink knowing that I was going to cause him pain. However, I made up my mind and I was committed to my plan.

I hesitantly got out of the car and walked to his door, where he was standing, leaning to the doorway. His smile faded a bit with my every step. Gosh, why couldn't I hide my feelings better, and why did he know me so thoroughly? He could see something wasn't right. By the time I reached him, he was completely serious and the expression on his face was filled with worry.

"What's wrong?" he asked. When I was close enough he immediately reached for me and pulled me into a hug. I should have opposed. I needed to stand my ground and move along with plan A, tell him right away that I had a date. My body had other ideas, and just followed the normal routine. My arms circled around Jacob's waist and my head moved to rest on his chest. He held me close, and I knew, there was no way in hell I could say something to him that would result in not being held in his arms any more. Therefore, I just sighed and said, "Just… one of those days." So much for plan A.

The rest of the day went by as usual. Jacob was working on a friend's car quietly humming to himself in the process. I was sitting in the armchair the he had placed in one of the corners of his garage for me to relax and be with him on these quiet afternoons. I enjoyed these moments. Jacob and I just hanging out - yet still doing our own stuff. I usually read a magazine or a book, or we listened to music while he tinkered away on something. Sometimes we didn't even speak to each other the whole time, we just enjoyed each other's company.

Today I was too anxious and felt too guilty to be so nonchalant. I was trying to read, but I couldn't comprehend a word. In my mind, I told him about my date numerous times and in various forms, but I wasn't able to actually say the words out loud. It was all because in my head all of scenarios ended with him Jacob sending me away… forever.

So, instead of telling Jake about my date I just watched him work. He wasn't suspecting a thing. He whistled softly while scrubbing some unknown part of the vehicle with a cloth. He was as he always was, or at least every time I saw him. Happy. I never wanted to be the one to cause him pain. He was just so… innocent. Of course, of course, I know, he was very far from innocent. He was a werewolf for goodness sake; he could and did tear apart vampires using his teeth and claws. It wasn't that he was naïve, but the way he looked at life - the way he always found the good in everything, how he could laugh at every situation and made me laugh… he was so intact, so far from everything bad in this world. I didn't want to make him unhappy. He was just so good.

In that moment, part of me also realized what the real reason was that I didn't choose Jacob to be my partner in crime. Secretly, I was afraid that Edward would approve of Jacob as my boyfriend. Yes, he was a werewolf, a vampire's arch nemesis. Nevertheless, I knew that if Edward had ever cared about even a little and if he truly wanted me to be happy without him, he would approve of Jacob, simply because Jacob loved me.

Jacob was smart, intelligent, funny and handsome. He would be suitable for me in wit and in looks. More importantly, he was capable and more than willing to protect and take care of me. Me being with Jacob wouldn't bother Edward that much, however, me being with Martin would bother him, since I had no feelings for him at all. That was exactly how I had planned.

Jacob's voice pulled me out of my reverie. Although, I didn't hear the words he said.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked after I drifted back to reality.

"Just wanted to know what you're reading?"

"Ohh… just a chick magazine," I answered. In all honesty, I had to check the front page first, just to be sure. I just picked it up from a stack I found on one of the shelves in the garage.

"Really?" he asked incredulously, with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, what's so strange about that? I am a chick, you know."

He snorted and went back to cleaning the don't-know-what, but I heard him say, "No, you're not."

His comment offended me. True, I wanted him to treat me like a friend or sibling, but that doesn't mean I didn't want him to see me as a female.

"What are you implying?" I hissed.

"Nothing. I am just stating a fact, that - "

"That I am completely unladylike?" I butted in. This was what I had feared. I knew that after Edward left I cared less about my general attire than I had even before I met him. I still showered and kept up with my hygiene, but I hadn't been to a hairdresser or manicurist since Alice last dragged me to one. Since I completely lost interest in the love department, I just figured, that there was no need for me to try to look attractive. Anyway, Jacob was the only guy who was around me, and I thought I looked good enough to hang out with him in his greasy, dirty garage. Up until this point… now I felt grungy. I yanked off the blanket that I was using to cover myself and jumped up from my chair. I was determined to leave. I was going straight home… or maybe to a hairdresser.

Jacob sighed and dropped the cloth he was holding. He caught my arm as I tried to leave. He was holding me gently so as not to hurt me, but strong enough that there was no way I could escape.

"Will you hear me out?" he asked. Speaking to me as if I were a child stomping her foot and throwing a tantrum.

"Do I have another choice?" I asked my eyes focused on an invisible spot on the ground.

With his left hand still on my arm, he lifted my chin with his right hand so that I was forced to look into his eyes. I wasn't the emotional type, more like the suffer in silence type. The fact that he could think these kinds of things about me made me want to cry. That surprised me, because I thought I didn't care about the kind of impression I made on him, at least not were my looks were concerned… I mean what did that matter, if all I wanted was his friendship.

So, I inhaled and prepared myself for the hurtful words, except he didn't say what I expected.

"You are no chick, because they are the kind of girls who care only about themselves and their looks. Bells, you are more than that. You are smart, funny, you are my best friend and you are the most beautiful girl I know. That was what I meant."

I was looking into his eyes the whole time he spoke and I could see he really meant it. The tears I wanted to suppress slowly ran down my cheek. These were not bitter tears, not anymore. They were partly tears of joy for what he said, and partly tears of sorrow for what I was about to say.

We were staring into each other's eyes for several moments and I knew I was in trouble. His left hand moved up on my arm and now it was gently squeezing my right shoulder. His other hand now cupped my cheek as he softly pulled my face closer to his. His expression was very tense, as if afraid if he moved to fast, he would startle me. He was so wrong. I was already frightened. Mainly because - god help me – I really wanted to kiss him. I glanced at his lips and found myself licking my own, which made him smile. I looked into his eyes and could see hope. Hope that this would be the moment for us… and I panicked.

"I'm going on a date tomorrow!" I blurted out. So much for any sensible plan… crap.


	2. Date night

_**Author's note: Hi everyone! Here comes the second chapter of my first fanfiction. Reviews are highly appreciated! Please, tell me what you think.**_

_*******_

I could see the exact moment when realization settled into his brain. All the light, all the hope and joy, vanished from his face in that instant. His smile faded, his eyes became dead. His thumb, which slowly caressed my cheek, went still. It felt like I killed someone. Killed him.

„What?" he asked dumbly.

I was sure he understood. I couldn't tell him one more time. It would be like twisting the dagger deeper into his chest. So I just nodded briefly, assuring him that he heard it right, and I left my eyes on the ground.

He must have realized that his hands remained on me, because he withdrew them so quickly I nearly fell back from the lack of support. He took a few steps back, stumbling as if I had slapped him across the face. In a way, guess I did. We stood there, in silence, for a few long minutes, before I before I gathered the courage to look him in the eye. He leaned onto his car his hand covered his mouth, his eyes stared into the distance.

I wanted to say something, but only a sigh came out of my mouth. It was enough to wake him up from his trance. He straightened himself up, looked at me for a moment, but glanced elsewhere the second our eyes met.

„I guess you won't come to Emily's birthday party then," he said after clearing his throat.

Gosh, I totally forgot Emily's party. It was on Saturday night. We were all invited to a bonfire at First beach. How could I have forgotten, I already bought her present, and I told Jacob we would be going together. I felt that I really was the worst friend on the planet. My mind was working on some solution, but it was Friday afternoon, and I didn't know Martin's phone number to cancel or postpone the date. Me not showing up was out of the question;I didn't want to spoil my chance. But I didn't want to cancel on Jacob either.

„I totally forgot," I started to explain „I don't know if I can make it. I mean I can't cancel Ma-"

„Doesn't matter. I will tell her you couldn't make it," he cut in before I could finish my sentence. „It's late. You should go home," he said not looking at me.

It wasn't late; it was only seven o'clock. Charlie wouldn't be home sooner then nine, and I knew Jacob knows it too. He wanted me out. He didn't want to see me, but I wasn't about to leave; not before we could talk this through. Before I could ask how he felt about it, and more importantly, what kind of effect this would have on our friendship.

Clearly he wasn't in the mood to chat. He was already walking past me so fast that I couldn't catch him. I spun around and yelled „Jacob" to stop him. He halted at the door but didn't turn back.

„I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you like this," I said for lack of better things to say. How could I tell him my real motives? He wouldn't understand. Actually I wanted to tell him I was sorry for dating, which was strange. It wasn't like we were committed to each other. I haven't promised him anything, and I didn't plan to. So why did I feel like I needed to apologize for meeting another guy?

"It's just the same," He said without turning back. "I thought that I would be the one, you know, when you're ready. But it seems like that wasn't what was holding you back. Just me."

Until now I hadn't even thought about how he would react to me moving on. Of course that was mainly because there was not a chance for me to move on. Romance was not an option for me, so I haven't thought about the consequences. Now it was clear that with holding Jacob close to me, I continuously fueled his hope even without purposefully doing so and even with telling him no all the time. I lingered, and he was waiting nonetheless. How could he get over me like that? I wasn't able to forget my love even though he has made it seem as he never existed.

I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I knew I should let him go. I should step out of his life and let him forget me. This situation was not healthy for either one of us. This moment was the perfect time to set him free.

_Tell him he is right_, my mind demanded. _Tell him not to wait for you anymore._

But instead of saying any of those things, I heard myself asking something else, in the verge of tears.

"Jacob? Are you still my friend?"

"Sure," he said silently and fled out of the garage. I heard him running towards the woods, and when his steps changed rhythm I knew he phased.

I didn't believe in his last word.

***

I couldn't reach Jacob in any way during next day. I tried to call him several times, but either no one picked up the phone or Billy answered and told me Jacob was out patrolling. That was very unlikely, because vampire activity was very low since Victoria was out of this world. I considered driving down to La Push, but I didn't really have the time. I also thought I would get the same excuse from Billy for Jacob about not being there. I didn't want to spend all day moping about my friend; I decided I would try to figure out some way to make it up to him tomorrow. Anyway, my date with Martin could be a complete waste of time, so maybe we could go back to where we were by Monday. As if he wanted us to. I wasn't sure about that, considering what he told me about waiting for me. Maybe he gave up on me altogether. That was a scary enough thought not to think about it until I could talk to Jacob again.

I was determined to devote the rest of the day preparing for the date. I went to a hairdresser. Of course, if I wouldn't have had that conversation with Jacob the previous day, I wouldn't have cared enoughto do that, but I wanted to look pretty for Jacob… I mean Martin. That random thought caught me off guard and made me realize that I really did that because of my friend. Martin saw me that untended every day. He wouldn't expect to see me any other way, and frankly, I didn't care enough about him to make any more effort to look prettier than necessary. But Jacob…. Not that I wanted to fascinate him with my beauty, I just cared about his opinion. I guess.

I hardly ever thought about Jacob while I finished preparing for the evening. By hardly, I mean not every minute. Maybe every three… or two.

***

The date went perfectly. Not in the old fashioned, dream date kind of perfect but in my twisted way of exquisite. Martin was everything I hoped for. First of all, he was dull. I could almost hear Edward's velvet voice beside me telling me I could do so much better. We went to a soccer game for our first date. Nothing could intrigue me less. I sucked at sports, and watching other people play them iwas no fun to me either. What made the event more boring was how Martin tried to make me love his choice of activity by explaining the rules very thoroughly and very dryly. I envisioned Edward's face looking very aggravated over Martin's ignorance in my obvious lack of interest. That amused me very much. It almost felt like there were three of us on that date, and Edward and I made fun of the third person behind his back. I should have felt bad about that, it was bad enough that I used Martin, but visualizing another boy so there wouldn't be just one, but two people laughing at him was surely a thing that would ensure a place for me in hell. I guess I would meet a few friends there.

At the start of the game I spaced out a lot, because I took delight in my fantasy conversation with my ex-lover. A lot later, when I mined all the fun out of the situation, I found myself thinking that even this tedious soccer game would be enjoyable if Jacob was here. He could always find a way to make things amusing, like he did with the movie we watched together. I chased that thought away quickly. I didn't want to think about him. That would make me sad, and I couldn't concentrate on my task.

Two very tiring hours later, Martin offered to take me to the diner in Forks.

"What a generous gentleman," Edward would say in his aristocratic manner. That made me smile and that made Martin think that was my approval. I think that he also misread my good mood and thought that this date was going very well, so he took the courage to get hold of my hand. I heard Edward roar with disgust in my head. I smiled again, and Martin did that too. Wasn't that great? Both of us were enjoying our date. Was it such a big trouble that we had different reasons for that? Yeah I know, real evil I was.

Just when I thought nothing could go wrong with my little plan, we met the last person I was expected to meet: Embry. I tried to retreat and hide behind Martin's back but for one, my truck was so loud that our arrival turned everyone's head towards us even from the other end of the street. And two,you cannot hide from the sight and nose of a werewolf.

"Bella!" Embry greeted me gleefully. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Me neither," I admitted carefully, not to make him feel that this isn't a happy encounter for me. After all this was my territory, he shouldn't be here at all. Why he had chosen that exact moment to show up in Forks, I had no idea.

Otherwise I would be glad to meet him. I really liked the Quileute boys, but I also knew that they can't keep secrets. Jacob would know all the details as soon as Embry phased to wolf form.

Embry eyed Martin suspiciously, so I had to introduce them to each other.

"Embry Call is a friend of mine from the reservation. This is Martin. We go to school together."

"And we are going out," added Martin as they shook hands. It was like a punch to the stomach, all the air left my lungs at his comment. _Oh__ my god__,_ I thought. _Jacob would hear these exact words._ I really wasn't thinking that far that what would happen if my date and Jacob would meet, but my intention was that I will never get them together. Ever. That was why I nearly hyperventilated after Embry's next words.

"Are you really?" he asked somewhat entertained. "Then you should bring Martin to Emily's birthday party, Bella."

How much I wanted to punch Embry after that I couldn't describe. But he was just smiling at us like he had no clue. I mouthed him "no," but to my greatest despair Martin actually was clueless and answered on behalf of us.

"Ohh, I love parties. Let's go!"

"Great. Can you give me a ride too?" Embry cheered.

***

At first I didn't understand why he insisted to come with us when he could have run. He would be there faster than us, that's for sure. But after a few minutes of riding, I knew what he was up to. He was interrogating Martin as a father would do. These wolf boys were really starting to grow on me. They still think they have to protect me.

My partner was not at all embarrassed by the flood of questions. He really liked to hear his own voice. If we were alone, I was sure this would be a rich territory to call forth Edward, but with the imminent meeting with Jacob made that impossible to concentrate on the real reason for this date and therefore it was everything but funny anymore.

I was planning to make an excuse to leave the party as soon as we get there. Unfortunately after we opened the doors of the car Martin vanished with Embry, so I haven't got another choice, but to follow them to the beach, where a bunch of people already been dancing and chatting around the fire.

When I first scanned the crowd, I was somehow relieved not to see Jacob among them. I still had a little hope that we could leave before we meet him. I had never been lucky. Just when I grabbed Martin's arm to pull him back to my truck, Jacob and Paul stepped out from behind a huge rock laughing. Despite the fact that I really wouldn't wanted to meet him there, my treacherous heart took a leap in joy when I saw him. He was bare-chested as always, and I assumed they were coming from the water because they both were dripping wet. Once, I surprised him by saying that I thought he was sort of beautiful. I guess he would be pleased to hear that just then, in the light of the fire, I found him simply breath-taking.

Our eyes met, and I knew he thought for a second that I had changed my mind, but then he noticed Martin by my side. His smile vanished in a second. He started to walk into another direction, but then Paul said something to him that made him stop. He took a deep breath and turned towards us. They both started off in our direction. Paul departed him on the last few steps and I could swear he whispered Jacob to be polite. What the hell?

I knew that was probably some macho masculine stuff to mark your territory to a threatening male, but when Martin drew his arms around me on the arrival of Jacob I had to fight the urge to shake it off of me. I saw Jacob notice that, and I sort of anticipated a scene, but he just stood still in front of us.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" he asked in an uncharacteristically calm way when I hadn't said anything for like a minute.

"Sure," I said confused. "Jake, this is Martin Eeves. Martin, he is my Jacob… I mean my friend, Jacob."

"Nice to meet you," they said in unison, and apart from a hand shake that made the strapping Martin pale, he was very much polite and collected. I was a little lost there. What was going on here with Jacob being controlled and Paul advising not to be rude? I was kind of prepared for Jacob tearing Martin's head off in rage, but when he didn't I was oddly… disappointed.

Now, who was the monster, really?


	3. Falling out

**Author's note: Hi folks! Thank you for everyone who reviewed my story! You're awesome! Here is the next installment of 'Another', hope you enjoy it. And do you know what to do when you like it? Review!**

**And special thanks to my betas at PTB, since English isn't my first language, this story wouldn't have come alive without their support. Thanks, guys.**

***

It seemed that the rest of my date was a waste of time. Jacob and his wolf friends sat on the opposite side of the fire from me and hadn't looked into our direction the whole night, which bothered me greatly. I told myself that the reason for my irritation was that they were, especially Jacob was, acting out of character, and I couldn't tell what happened to them. But a little voice inside of my head was constantly whispering to me that he was just not as into you as you had thought. _Ok, no big deal. This __is a good thing, Bella, _I tried to persuade myself. So, why was I so frustrated? For a split second it crossed my mind that Jacob was just putting on a cool guy show, but then I turned down the idea. Jacob would never think of that. Sure, he was smart, and he definitely saw the big picture, but he wasn't good at tactical romancing. He was always straightforward about his feelings, plus he had acquired an awful temper since being a werewolf. Self-control and nonchalance just weren't his thing.

I wasn't really paying attention to what Martin was saying to me, just so I wouldn't agree to anything stupid while I nodded and smiled, because that was pretty much all of my contribution to the conversation. Martin was fine with that. But suddenly, one of his sentences caught my attention, because it was mirroring my exact thoughts.

"So, what's up with this Jacob guy?"

"What do you mean?" I asked confused. I bet he wasn't referring to the weirdness around him that I noticed.

"I asked your friend's opinion about asking you out. Jessica said that she thinks you're dating this tall, tough, Quileute boy from the reservation. Well, check, check, check." he counted the hits on his fingers. "Am I right?"

"Yes. No. Sort of," I stammered. "Yes, that's him, but no, we're not dating."

"Oh. That's good. I mean he won't come and punch me when I'll try to kiss you, right?"

That turned my head towards Martin. Either I was very good at pretending I was having the time of my life, or he was overly confident, for thinking that this date was going into that direction. But again, why not? That was part of my plan anyway. A few hours ago I definitely would have answered, "Hell yeah, he will," to his previous question, but given these circumstances, I just said,

"No, he won't."

He seemed relieved. He must be really scared about the possibility that Jake would beat the crap out of him, and I was not surprised. Martin was a well built male, but Jacob had a radiating aura of power. Even without knowing he was a werewolf, people felt the need to keep a good distance, especially at a chance of melee. That, combined with his cheery nature, made for a unique combination.

That was all the encouragement Martin needed. He leaned forward to kiss me on the lips, and it took all of my willpower not to flinch. I had it all figured out. I knew that me kissing another guy would be a milestone in my scheme, and I wanted to do it right. I was convinced that it was certainly a big enough decision for Alice to see it. I also know that she would tell that to Edward no matter what, so I wanted it to look real. But I didn't want to look too eager and happy, because that would probably mean to Edward that he had no chance at all. And that was not my intention. I just wanted to anger him, wanted him to see what could happen if he wouldn't come back. So I had to balance a fine line between enjoyable and dissatisfying. Sometimes I thought that I was a whiz, but most of the time I was convinced that seeing logic in that twisted train of thought was a sure sign of insanity. Like I cared. I prepared myself for the onslaught of emotions. I awaited a rush of the double treat: imagining Edward pissed, like he was there by my side, and envisioning him as Alice told him the details of my date. I also expected a rush of guilt by kissing another boy besides my love, but none of those came.

Right before Martin placed his lips on mine, my almost kiss with Jacob came into my mind. _How strange, that none of the previous thoughts crossed my brain before of that,_ I wondered. So maybe my thinking about him was the cause, but when Martin actually kissed me, I felt that I was cheating on Jacob instead of Edward. _Bella, return to reason already. This is your chance, _I was telling myself.The kiss was going on way too long as I tried to convince myself to focus on Edward, and not my best friend, as he had nothing to do with that. But when Martin dared to try to open my mouth with his tongue, I broke away in disgust. I tried to control my face, I even managed to force out a little smile, so he would think that was only because that was my limit for the first date. That worked, he smiled back and put his arms around me.

I let him, than turned back to stare at the fire. And that was when I met Jacob's eyes.

I would have spotted him eventually, even if I wasn't purposefully looking for him, because he was the one thing that stood completely still in my sight. The fire danced in front of my eyes, everybody rocked to the rhythm they were chanting or clapping, but he just stood there, frozen mid-movement, like only a predator like he could. He watched me with eyes that broke my heart. I saw betrayal, hurt and disbelief in them. I didn't need werewolf telepathy to know what he was thinking at that moment. _How could you do this to me?_

I opened my eyes to say something to his unformulated question, but no words came out. I was just gawping there like a fish, when I saw something changing in him. He now eyed Martin, who wasn't aware of that. First I thought that my eyes tricked me, but after I blinked a couple of times a saw clearly, that he was shaking uncontrollably, and I know it has nothing to do with the cold weather. I involuntarily grabbed Martin's arm, which was a bad move, considering he just trembled more as a result. _Please don't, _I begged him with my eyes_._ The only thing I could call a success was that he turned and left the camp, but unfortunately, he was headed at the direction where I saw a couple of lovebirds disappear just minutes ago.

Since none of his fellow pack members seemed to notice his vanishing, I jumped up and ran after him myself, without giving any kind of explanation on my behavior to my date. I had no time to waste. If he would let himself go, and would phase right before those people he might hurt them, not to mention he would blow his cover. I couldn't let that happening. I wasn't sure what to do to stop, or calm down a raged beast, but I had to do something.

He disappeared behind a huge rock, and just seconds after that, I saw the two lovers flee from there. I wasn't sure that was a good thing or not. They didn't seem hurt, but they could saw something they shouldn't have.

"Geez, that guy is crazy." I heard the girl complaining as they passed by me. I was relieved a little, that meant they just saw a very angry human.

I slowed down my steps when I reached the boulder. I didn't know what to expect. If I found wolf boy there, I would have to retreat. If I found Jacob there, I had to talk to him. I wasn't sure which option seemed more frightening.

I peeked at the edge of the rock. Jacob was in his human form, panting heavily, with his forehead pressed against the cold wall. He tried to calm himself down, but I saw that his hands were clenched into fists. From the fact that they were covered in blood, and there had been serious amount of splinters in the floor, I assumed he took out his rage on the boulder. I couldn't help myself, I jumped at him instinctively when I saw that a fragment of stone wounded his side.

"Don't come near me!" he growled without turning his head to me.

"But you're hurt," I protested, but stopped.

"I am," he groaned, and I know he wasn't referring to physical injuries. "I might hurt you, so get back."

I hesitated a step away from him. I wanted to look if he was ok, but didn't want to anger him more.

"Move!" he shouted at me, and I jumped back a few steps, partly from fear, but mainly out of shock. I never saw him so outraged.

We stood there like that for a while. After a few minutes later I heard his breathing becoming steady. He took a deep breath, shakily blew it out, then turned, so now he was leaning to the wall with his back. I flinched when he quickly pulled out the splinter from his wound on his left abdomen and threw that into the ocean.

"I can't do this anymore," he said silently, more to himself then me, as he was still looking away from me.

"What?" I asked dumbly.

"I cannot be your friend anymore."

"Please don't say this," I prayed to him, while taking a few steps towards him. This time he didn't stop me.

"I thought I could handle this. They told me the only way to stay near to you is to act as your friend."

So I was right after all. That really was a show. The boys convinced him to behave, and act as he was cool with me dating. Even Paul. Well, I never would have thought they were the masterminds.

"You're my friend," I assured him.

"I guess I'm not a good one then."

When I tried to protest, he turned to face me, and silenced me by putting his index finger on my lips. His sudden touch worked its way. I couldn't speak. I wasn't sure it was because of his silent order, or simply because he touched me. He withdrew his hand, but not without caressing my lips gently with his finger as he did so.

He smiled a sad little smile, as I bit my lips after losing contact with his hand.

"I know I promised I would never leave you. But actually, I thought I wouldn't have to, because you would be mine eventually. I would have fought for you against… him. Because I would never let you become a vampire." He stopped for a second to pull a stray stand of hair out of my face leaving his hand on my cheek afterwards. "But if after all that, you choose to be with someone like him." He motioned towards Martin with his head. "I ought to accept that you don't feel that way towards me and move on. A good friend would do that," he paused a little, looking into my eyes, and I saw the defeat there. "But I can't. I can't watch you near to him, touching him… kissing him."

I saw the anger return to his features as he remembered what he saw back at the bonfire.

"When I saw you there I almost… I couldn't control myself. I can't risk that."

"Jacob," I started. " I never wanted to hurt you, but -"

"I know," he cut me off. "This is my problem, not yours. I won't bother you with this anymore."

"What does that mean?" I noticed a slight hint of panic in my voice.

"I think it's better, if we don't meet for a while," he said folding his arms before him, protectively.

"A while?" I asked, and I could feel the tears rolling down on my cheek.

He nodded, not looking at me.

_As in, ever, _I translated that to myself.

I couldn't say anything. I just cried and shook my head. I wanted nothing more than to shout "_Don't leave me, __I need you" _at him, but how could I ask him not to break up with me? After knowing how much I had hurt him. After knowing, that I had used him for so long. It would be so selfish to ask him to be by my side. After all, I understood him. I should see that coming.

So I nodded weakly, trying to contain my sobs. I deserved that.

I was kind of surprised when he stepped to me and pulled me into his arms, but I was glad to obey. If that was the last time I could feel him that close to me, I had to seize the opportunity. I held him as tight as I could, with my arms wrapped around his waist. His head rested on my shoulder, and I could feel his hot breath on my collarbone. We stood there for God knows how long when he tilted his head a little and his lips touched my skin on my shoulder. It was just a feather light kiss, but it sent shivers throughout my body. I kind of expected for him to continue, but he just whispered into my skin.

"Goodbye Bella. I love you."

I tried to pull him even closer, but he tore himself out of my arm and disappeared into the night.

I felt onto my knees and cried.

***

**Author's note, again: I know, I know, lots of misery. But I promise to bring you other excitements in the next chapter. Stay tuned!**


	4. Moment of joy

_**Author's note: Hello my people! Here comes the next chapter of my story. My favorite so far, you will see why. **__**Anyway, same rule goes for it: you like it, you review it. **_

_**I would like to thank everybody who already reviewed the previous chapters. You gave me inspiration to go on. I would also like to thank to my betas at PTB. You're the best. **_

_**This one goes to my best friend Lili, who's Team Edward, but that's a curable condition. **_

_**Love ya, Wil**_

_*******_

Maybe a few days passed, could have been a week, I lost track of time. Losing Jacob was, in a way, worse than losing Edward, because I knew he was so close. I knew I was just a short drive away from him, and it took all of my fortitude not to jump into my truck and visit him. But I knew he wouldn't want that. He made his decision and I had to respect that, because he was right. That was the right thing to do if I didn't want to keep hurting him.

In my sober senses I knew I shouldn't go down to La Push, but my fingers just fumbled on my car keys in the school parking lot. I had gone along the road leading to my best friend over and over again in my head. I made up my mind. _To hell with reason, I must see him._ I almost turned the key at the ignition when I heard a knock on my window. I jumped, but thanked the higher forces for guiding whoever it was to my car to stop me.

It was Martin.

Great. The higher forces had a weird sense of humor.

I knew I should be a little more excited at the sight of my so called boyfriend, but since he was the only one who really thought he was my boyfriend, I felt no guilt for my lack of enthusiasm. I rolled down the window and he leaned in to give me a little peck on my lips. Yeah, maybe letting him do that was one of the reasons he was convinced we were dating.

I had no idea what to do with him, so I was playing at waiting. After that night at the beach I couldn't really concentrate on mining the chances to annoy my former lover. Every interaction with Martin made me think of how much I was hurting Jacob. Every time he touched me, every time he was near me, I knew it would hurt Jacob if he saw it. At a point, I decided to ditch Martin. Then again I wouldn't want to make that appear in Alice's visions, so I quickly changed my mind. I tried to soothe myself with the thought that since we wouldn't meet that soon with Jacob (I refused to think about that as we weren't friends anymore) he wouldn't know about my relationship with Martin. But I knew that was bullshit. He wouldn't have to know about this; my knowing it was enough to make me feel awful.

And speaking of feeling awful; when you think nothing could go worse, you spot your father, chief of police, on the other side of the parking lot, starting in your direction while you're being kissed by a guy. I couldn't imagine worse. Well, maybe the exact moment you will be face to face with said man.

That occurrence happened just half an hour later, after I got home. The fortune in misfortune was that I could ditch Martin in a minute. All I had to say was that my father was there. He basically fled. Charlie was very early, so there was no time for me to distract him with the dinner, since it was still in the oven. Unfortunately we had plenty of time to talk.

"So are you dating this Martin?" he asked conversationally.

"So it would seem," I answered with the same nonchalance. We were discussing this topic like my dating guys was an everyday topic.

"Tell me, why is this the first time I'm hearing about it" he grunted out, like he was upset about it. Yeah, I know, he was a father, he should be upset about me going out with boys, but after my deep misery and isolation I thought he would be happy I'm socializing.

"That's nothing serious," I told him, shrugging.

He snorted and gave me the look that was usually a prelude to an embarrassing or otherwise inadvisable question, which he would say nevertheless.

"Is this the guy the reason Jacob's avoiding you?"

I gaped at him. Billy and my father, they were worse than old ladies when it came to gossip. I should have known he would find out about it sooner or later. I guess that was the explanation for what he was doing in front of the school this afternoon. He wanted to spy on me. I knew there was a good chance he knew everything about me and Jacob. Billy had a good eye spotting any drama, and he surely told everything about it to my father, so there was no point lying to him.

"He has his reasons," I admitted. "May have something to do with Martin, yes."

Charlie wagged his head disapprovingly. I wasn't sure it was because I was dating in general, Martin specifically, or neglecting my friendship with Jacob.

"I always thought that you would open up your eyes one day and see that the kid is head over heels in love with you."

That was salt to my wounds. Even my father rooted for Jacob. Of course, I wasn't going to explain to him why I had chosen Martin over him. If he didn't think I was a psycho until then, he would put me into a mental institution as soon as he heard my plan.

"I know he is," I agreed. "But it's complicated."

"It is now," he stated, and our father-daughter conversation was over.

***

I considered myself lucky, Charlie went to bed early. He planned on going fishing in the morning. I finished cleaning up the kitchen and was about to bunk down myself, but after a good hour of tossing and turning I realized I couldn't sleep. My brain was in overload, I couldn't stop thinking. My mind was constantly dreaming up things to say when Jacob and I saw each other again. What should I say to change his mind? Should I say anything at all or should we just ignore each other? I wasn't able to do that, not even in my imagination. At least I could converse with him in my mind. I seemed to do that a lot with every important man in my life. Maybe that was all I should ever get. I was destined to have an imaginary friend and boyfriend, and nothing else. A sad idea, but right now, it was easy to believe that I wasn't fit to maintain any kind of real relationship.

I decided that I need to calm myself down a little bit, so I got up and went to the bathroom to take a bath. I usually preferred the shower, but I needed to relax. I should have known better, my anguished nerves couldn't rest merely because of a tub full of water.

It turned out that being dumped with reason was, in a way, worse than being dumped for nothing. When Edward left me I was in a deep depression, but I wasn't blaming myself for it. I just couldn't accept his reasons; therefore I couldn't accept his departure either. But with Jacob, it was different. That was entirely my fault. I knew I was hurting him with my behavior, and I knew he was right when he broke up our friendship. Knowing that I was the catalyst for our falling out was hell. I was constantly brooding over how to make everything right. It was giving me a massive headache.

Since the bath didn't do me any good, I climbed out, put on my PJ's, and went through my daily routine. I was still drying my hair with a towel when I entered my room. I almost shrieked when I saw Jacob sitting at the end of my bed.

At first I though he was a hallucination. After all, how far could conjuring up an image be from hearing voices? If it was just a trick of my mind, it was a good one. The apparition was only wearing cut-off jeans, but that wasn't unexpected, since that's how he appeared in my mind every time. He was looking at me with Jacob's warm eyes. When I halted at the door, I noticed the figure straighten up in his seat with a graceful movement very similar to his. I always admired how he could move with such elegance with such a large body. I eyed him suspiciously, waiting for him to dissolve into thin air, but he just smiled a smile only my Jacob could and said,

"You have wolves on your PJ's."

Right then, I couldn't stop to ponder on what previously crafted conversation I should start, I just tossed the towel on the floor and ran to him. All I could think about was that he was there, really there, and I needed to hug him. Since he was still in a sitting position, the only way to accomplish this in such haste, was to jump onto his lap. So I did that. I could tell he wasn't expecting that because when I crashed into his hard chest, a loud whooshing sound left his mouth. But I also knew that my act wasn't unwelcomed, as he embraced me instantly. I laced my arms tightly around his neck and breathed in his scent. He always smelled like the forest, fresh and earthy. I knew I couldn't make up that aura.

We stayed there for a few long minutes. I was afraid to let him go, fearing he was going to tell me he only came because my life was in danger, or some other trivial reasons. But he unfolded his arms that had been holding my back to look me in the eye. I was surprised to see playfulness in them. Just then I realized how much I missed his impish smile. We hadn't had the opportunity to be joyful in a long time.

"So, you like wolves on yourself?" he asked, poking the wolf patterns on my PJ bottom on both of my thighs.

Suddenly I became conscious of our intimate position. I was straddling him, my hands resting on his broad shoulders. He left his hands on either one of my thighs after pointing out the pattern I was unaware of. I bought those baggy pants at a fair on the reservation. Of course they had wolves on them, what else should they have? I was really happy to see Jacob so at ease, I wouldn't want to ruin that by climbing down from his lap, but I needed to cease that close proximity before he got the wrong idea. So I decided to take off the edge of the situation with a joke.

"More like under myself, it seems," I said, as I positioned myself to his left on the side of the bed.

"Nice one," he said.

He got hold of my hand with both of his, and stared down at our entwined fingers. I knew this was the time to have "The Talk".

"Jacob, why did you come?" I started, talking to our hands.

"I've missed you Bella," he replied simply, which made my heart jump with hope. But I calmed myself down, telling myself that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

"These were the worst days of my life," he continued, now looking into my eyes. "I couldn't go on any longer without you."

I wanted to say that I felt the same, but that was so obvious it seemed unnecessary to phrase that. So I just nodded in agreement.

"I'm so pathetic, aren't I?" he laughed at himself, but his chuckle was sad.

"You are," I responded with fake pity, which earned me an amused snort from him. "But I'm glad you are."

I knew if we had stopped there, we could have gone back to where we were before Martin. But I also knew that state wasn't manageable anymore. For one, even if I gave Martin up there was only a matter of time before I was going to hurt him again. He wasn't willing to give up on me and I couldn't get over Edward. He wanted me to give him something I had lost forever. My heart. We were going into different directions and that couldn't be disregarded anymore.

"So, where does this leave us?" I asked the dreaded question.

"I don't know," he sighed. "But I'm here to find out."

"How?" I whispered, but I could read the answer in his eyes. He was looking at me with that no-matter-what expression on his face, and before I could protest, turn away or do anything to stop him, he leaned onto me and pressed his lips on mine.

My brain switched off in that instant. It was only functioning to receive warm feelings from every inch of my body. I couldn't think, I was only able to feel. The kiss was very gentle at first, it was merely a touch of our lips, as he was only experimenting, waiting for my response. But I wanted more, so I kissed back. The dam of passion broke inside of him, and he started to kiss me fiercely. I could feel his hands buried in my hair, pulling me closer to him. I obeyed and slid a little nearer, our thighs were pressing together, but that still didn't feel close enough. He must have thought the same because he slid his hand under my leg and pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him again. But this time I didn't find it inappropriate at all. I surprised myself and him by taking control and opening my mouth for a deeper kiss. I always wanted to try this, but with Martin I felt disgusted by it, and with Edward… this was way off limits. But with Jacob it came naturally, as if that was the next logical step. He may have been surprised, but hadn't hesitated for a second to kiss me thoroughly.

I was in delirium. His hands moved up and down my back a few times before I could feel the touch of his hot hand on the small of my back. I gasped at the skin on skin contact and responded by grabbing his short hair and pulling his head closer to mine, if that was even possible. My other hand went to his bare back and my fingernails drew into his skin. My lungs were starting to lack air so I reluctantly broke the connection of our lips to gasp. The air around us was hot. He may have had a higher body temperature than normal, but right then I felt that he was oozing heat. While I fought to breathe in our hot embrace, he started to place little kisses along my jawline and I rolled my head back to give him a better angle while clinging onto his shoulders. I was starting to get the feeling that whatever we did wouldn't be enough, that he still wasn't close enough. Since I couldn't pull his head any closer, I tried to seal the gap between our bodies by grinding my hips into his lap. We both moaned out loud at the friction created between us. He stopped kissing my neck for a second and I could hear him panting heavily. I was taking pleasure in my newfound power. This was the first time I had experienced what it was like when a man really wanted me. Not my blood, not my smell, just me, Bella, the woman. God, that felt good.

Everything felt perfect except for a little voice at the back of my head that had been constantly bugging me. I couldn't phrase it, but it had been telling me that this was somehow wrong. I couldn't imagine how something that felt so nice could be wrong on any level. For that matter, it was very hard to concentrate on any decent thought when Jacob gently bit my earlobe. I was enjoying myself incredibly. Never before had I experienced such passion, and my core ached for more. Jacob was fierce, wild, but not savage. I could let myself go with him without fearing for my life. I could never have gone that far with Edward, ever… Oh, no.

Now I knew why that was wrong. Edward. I should be ashamed of myself for trying to do all these things to let him know how wrong he was when he left me, and now here I was, basically dry-humping my best friend and enjoying every moment of it. And Alice should see it, too. He would know. And he would think that I was fine without him, that I found my match and forgot about him. Or he would think I was a whore, cheating on my boyfriend with Jacob. Either way, he wouldn't want to come back for me. Oh my god, I was making out with Jacob while I was thinking about Edward. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't hurt him again.

These thoughts crossed my mind in a matter of a second, and I pulled away immediately, but Jacob was unwilling to let me go.

"Stop!" I ordered, as my hands pushed him away by his chest.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a husky voice. His eyes were still clouded with passion.

I wasn't going to tell him the train of thought that led me to break our connection, so I tried to come up with a believable explanation. But damn, my brain still wasn't functioning properly.

"I… just that I… I have a boyfriend!" I exclaimed with a bit too much contentment, which was meant for the stroke of brilliance that helped me come up with that reason, rather than the fact that I was in a relationship.

"Sure, sure," he said mockingly.

I was sure he would be angry or disappointed when I mentioned Martin, but he didn't look like any of that. He was apparently amused by my declaration. That confused me and pissed me off at the same time.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded, jumping down from my place on his lap and retreating a few steps. I even crossed my arms across my chest for a more firm look.

He laid back on my bed comfortably, leaning on his elbows. He seemed very pleased with himself.

"Do you still call him that after this?" he asked with a smirk.

This wasn't going into the right direction. As much as I swore never to hurt him again, I couldn't let him think that what we shared would change anything.

"That was nothing," I whispered, despite the fact that my body ached for his touch and my mind screamed, _'That was the best thing that ever happened __to you, bitch!'_ Even if that hurt him, that was the only way to keep him at bay, although I never really could unfold to myself why should I do that. _Because of Edward, Bella, remember?_

"Nothing, huh?" he hissed, fuming, while jumping up from my bed unnaturally fast, just to halt an inch before me. He was towering over me frighteningly, yet I somehow found it appealing. "When will you admit it? I know you like me and now I know you want me too."

He was so close to me I could feel his breath on my face when he spoke. I couldn't look up in his face, because I was going to lie.

"I don't. I just got caught up in the moment."

He snorted in disbelief.

"I'm a werewolf, baby. With exquisite hearing," he lightly placed his hand over my rapidly pounding heart, sending a fresh wave of excitement through my entire body, "and smelling." He finished his sentence and when I looked up puzzled, I caught him glancing briefly towards my lower body parts.

"How dare you!" I spit out, blushing like hell. "Get out of my house, now!"

He stepped back a little, but didn't leave. I faced him, wrathful because of my embarrassment, and pointed towards the window.

"Just tell me one thing. Why are you with him?" he asked seriously as he backed towards said direction.

I knew I should have been thought twice before I said anything out loud, and most definitely shouldn't have said anything out of anger, but the words just spilled out.

"Because of Edward. Everything's because of him."

When his face turned from irritated to furious I knew I had made a mistake.

***

**A.N.: Ha! Did you really think it would go so easily? Noooo. **

**Stay tuned for the next chappie: **_**Wolf's out of the bag.**_


	5. Wolf's out of the bag

**Author's note: Hello everybody! Here comes: Wolf's out of the bag. There will be a lot of relevations.**

**I won't repeat my Oscar acceptance monologue here. Everybody knows how grateful I am for the help.**

**Hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what you think.**

**Love,**

**Wil**

*******

"What?" he roared loudly, I was afraid that he had woken up Charlie. He seemed to remember that we had a very well-armed father in our house, because he listened for a second for movement. Charlie must have slept very deeply because Jacob looked up relieved momentarily before repeating "What?" more silently, but not less angry. He emphasized his demand by taking a few steps towards me, which scared me. This was the first time I was really frightened of him. He towered over me, way too close for phasing. The possibility that my life was in danger was just a fraction of my concern. The other thing I feared was that if I happened to survive his rage, how would I explain to Charlie the destruction of my bedroom? I was sure he wouldn't believe that I had done it myself.

I looked at Jacob helplessly, silently pleading with him to drop the subject and forget about my slip of the tongue, but I knew there was no chance of it. He was fuming and wouldn't back up until he got his answers.

"What does dating that guy has to do with _him_?" he asked with clenched teeth, spitting "him" like it was a curse word.

"Nothing," I replied automatically, but I was sure he wouldn't buy it. He could read the lies from my eyes. It would have been better if I could tear my gaze away from him, but I couldn't do that. Somehow, my mind wanted me to look at him, wanted me to see what I had done. _There, Bella. Is this__ what you wanted_? it mocked me.

"Tell me," he said, but that wasn't a request, it was an order.

I shook my head. "You will be angry."

"I'm angry already. Just tell me," he insisted, coming another step closer which made me even more frightened. I never imagined that he could or would hurt me, but suddenly Emily's face flashed in front of my eyes. Everyone thought Sam would never hurt her either.

"I will lose you," I confessed my real motive for not sharing.

I thought that would make him think a little, make him evaluate if it was worth it or not, but instead he got even more impatient to know.

"Tell me dammit!" he shouted, forgetting to keep his volume low for Charlie, again.

The fact that he didn't care about if he would lose me or not meant that I had already lost him. The realization brought tears to my eyes, but that didn't soften him one bit. He just waited while I cried, mourning our friendship. After a few minutes, when my tears subsided a little, and the loss wasn't all I could think about, I realized that he deserved the truth. I could tell him now, it wouldn't change anything.

"I dated Martin just to piss him off," I confessed.

I could tell this wasn't what he expected to hear, because his angry mask suddenly turned into one of puzzlement.

"Is he back?" he asked.

"No."

"I don't understand. How can you piss him off if he's not here?"

I took a deep breath before answering. It was a tough question, not only because this was something he wouldn't accept, but also because I didn't know how to explain everything without it seeming like utter nonsense. Of course that was impossible, this _was_ utter nonsense. I closed my eyes, unable to tell this straight to his face.

"He's in here," I tapped my temple. "I know what he would think or do. I know what would annoy him. I imagine it; his words, his voice, his face. It's like he's with me. Like he cares. Alice may see those things too, she could tell him. If she cares…" I trailed off, and when I didn't hear a thing coming from him, I opened my eyes to see his reaction.

He stared at me in disbelief, seemingly unable to comprehend what I had just said. I could almost see the little gears working inside his head as he digested this information. When he didn't react to my confession, I was unable to contain myself any longer. I needed to know what he was thinking about.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" I asked. I feared that he would think I was, but I was also scared I eventually would have to admit that to myself.

He just held up his hand, signaling not to disturb him while he was thinking. I was shifting from one foot to another, waiting for the verdict. I wanted to shout, "Say something already!", but instead I bit my lip and let him unfold his thoughts.

Finally, after minutes, which seemed like hours to me, he let his hand fall and stepped back a pace. I didn't like the fact that he was making space between us before his next question. With every inch he backed up, I felt the distance growing between us as miles.

"Is that what we're friends for?" he finally asked in a stern voice. "I'm sure nothing could piss him off more than you being friends with a werewolf."

I wasn't prepared for that conversation. I should have thought that sooner or later the subject would come up, considering he was suspecting some hidden motive behind my frequent visits to his garage when we were building the bikes. I didn't know he would figure that out so soon. I wanted to instantly shout, "No!", but I realized he needed the truth.

"Back then, I could hear his voice whenever I did something stupid or reckless. I was hallucinating, I guess, but I would have done anything to trigger it, so I bought the motorcycles. That's why we started to meet again, but that's not why we became friends. "

He just nodded absently, like my words had no meaning for him. He paced up and down a little in my room before collapsing onto the side of my bed. I just stood there, not sure what to do now. I wanted to sit right next to him, but I wasn't sure if he would like that. I remembered the previous time he sat in the exact same spot, which was just maybe half an hour ago. How the world could change in such a little time? Although I had convinced myself earlier that our kiss was a mistake, I found myself disappointed we couldn't do it again. Everything was better then. I wasn't thinking, which was a blessed condition, considering my tendency to break everything apart when I did. It wasn't even just "better", it was perfect. For as long as it lasted. I couldn't quite decipher what that meant for me, but Jacob wasn't the one to experiment with. I couldn't ask him to kiss me once more - or several more times - to find out what I really felt.

"I always knew you used me, but I thought that was for forgetting about him," he said blankly. "You knew how I felt about you, and you used me to help you hear his voice inside your head."

He looked up at me, waiting for me to agree with his conclusion. And though that was exactly what I did, hearing the words come out of his mouth made me truly realize the damage I had done. I had undermined the foundation of our friendship and lost his trust in me forever. How could one lose so many things in a night's time? My sobbing was all the answer he needed.

"Why are you making so much effort to take revenge on somebody who doesn't even know about it? Why are you so desperate to keep him close?" he asked, shaking his head, not understanding my motives. He looked very tired, like he was just fed up with arguing with me.

That was an easy question.

"I'm nothing without him," I answered through my tears, folding my arms around myself, just like I used to when the wound he left in me was new.

Jacob was on his feet again, angry. I kind of liked it better when he was angry with me; that showed that I was still affecting his feelings. The blank, defeated Jacob scared me, because it was like he had given up on me altogether.

"That's because he made you nothing," he said, and his words caused a flame of pain in my chest. I had to hold myself together tighter. "You gave yourself up entirely, Bella, while you were with him. Don't you see? You didn't want anything else in the world, just him. You didn't care about anything else. You were ready to give up your life, for crying out loud!"

"Because I love him," I protested in a low voice, wincing under the pain of his words.

"That's not love, Bella," he objected, coming closer to me. "That's obsession. The world's doesn't revolve around him, you know."

Now that hit a nerve. Something inside me clicked into place. I was afraid any of this could be true, because if it was, then I really was nothing, and being with Edward couldn't help me at all. I was terrified but was also humiliated in front of him. So, hurt as I was, I switched into attack.

"You're only saying this because you want to be the one my world revolves around," I heard myself saying.

"No," he started, visibly frustrated over my hard-headedness, "that one should be you."

I was taken aback by his unexpected words. _Me? In the center? No way._

"Haven't you realized that while you tried to keep him by your side, all you ever did was make yourself miserable," he continued in a softer voice after seeing my astonishment. "When was the last time you did something to make yourself happy?"

Somehow the question managed to pierce through my thick skull and my curtain of self-deception, and really got me thinking. If I wanted to be completely honest with myself, which I usually wasn't, I couldn't remember the last time I did anything not related to Edward. Beforehand, I thought that was a sign of true love and loyalty. Now that was just a scary thought and a sign of complete hollowness. It seems after all, I got what I wanted: he had taken away my life.

Denial and recognition filled my brain alternately, and I found myself unable to decide which was true. I needed time to think, but for that I needed to be alone.

"Please go away," I asked him quietly.

I could tell he misunderstood, because hurt crept back into his features. His shoulders fell down in defeat, and he shook his head as if saying there was nothing he could do here anymore. He quickly turned and headed towards the window to leave. I tried to find the words to stop him, to tell him that I only needed a little time to sort things out, that I wouldn't want him to leave forever, but I didn't know what to say. I had no time to think anymore, because he was already halfway out the window.

I had to act quickly. I ran to him and grabbed the hem of his jeans - since that was the only material he had on - and pulled him back to my room with force. I thought that the fact that I could muster up enough power to drag a werewolf showed the amount of my desperation. When he looked back with amazement, I pulled his face down and crashed my lips on his.

I could tell he was about to pull out of my kiss because he placed his hands on my upper arms in preparation to shove me back. But that never happened. Just a few seconds later he responded to my frantic advance and kissed me back with passion. His hands slid down from my arms to circle my waist and pulled me closer to his body. I obeyed gladly and pressed my torso to his naked chest. I took in his scent of forest fervently. I didn't think I could ever go into the woods again without becoming worked up.

Since we were so close, and he was way taller than me, I was forced to lift my head up so high to reach his lips that my neck started to hurt. I moaned a little at the inconvenience but refused to break the connection. As though he could read my mind, he grabbed my butt, causing me to groan out loud, and pulled me up so I could fold my legs around his waist. He held me - one hand under my butt, the other embracing my back - without a sweat. In that position I could feel his arousal very clearly, which clouded my mind a little.

He wasn't so gentle about his kissing as before. Yes, maybe our first one wasn't gentle either, but this was definitely an angry kiss on his part. He must have been mad at me, and also mad because he couldn't resist me. I didn't mind the fierceness of the kiss that much, but I tried to slow down a little. I tried to show him with my lips what I couldn't say with my mouth. My lips left his and I hugged his neck a little tighter. _I need you._ I placed little kisses along his neck and ended my trail with the sensitive spot below his ear, where I bit down a little. _I want you._ My path of kisses continued back to his mouth, and when I was face to face with him again, I saw his eyes were open, and by the way he looked at me, I knew he understood my every untold word. I bent down again to place a light kiss on his mouth.

"I love you," I heard myself saying the last one out loud, but I didn't mind it, because it was true. Confused as I was, with everything that had been told to me that night, about everything that I'd done, about my feelings toward Edward; there was one thing I knew for sure: I was in love with Jacob Black.

He smiled at me after hearing my words, but not the beaming smile I expected as a result of my confession. He looked kind of sad, which puzzled me a bit. Wasn't that what he wanted?

He put me down on the floor again and I was suddenly cold, leaving the heat of his body. I missed not only his temperature, but the other warming feeling that filled me every time we touched. Now I had a name for it. But why did he look like he wasn't happy about it? I eyed him questioningly, waiting for his response. He caressed my face lightly with his fingers and bit his lip like he was going to say something that I wouldn't like.

"I know you do," he finally whispered, his voice still husky from our making out. That tone wasn't for serious conversations; everything he said sounded like sex talk, which excited me very much, even in this annoyed state. But I didn't find his tone enjoyable when he finished his sentence. "That's just not enough."

"What else do you want?" I cried out in frustration.

"Just you, without attachments."

My mouth formed an "O" when I realized what he meant. We couldn't be together as long as I was committed to another. Or two others, for that matter. He deserved someone with a full heart, someone who could be with him completely. For the first time since I had known him, I found myself believing that I would be the one.

Since words failed me again, I was hoping that he would comprehend my look, as one asking for time. This time, he was in tune with my thoughts, and he nodded silently. He responded wordlessly too; his eyes told me, "You know where to find me." It was my turn to nod.

He reached out to hug me but changed his mind midway. I understood. It wouldn't just be a hug. Now that we had breached the dike, the river was unstoppable. And going with the flow wouldn't drift us where we wanted to go. Or maybe it would, but that wasn't where we should go. I already found myself in a whirl, wanting to drag me closer to him, to touch his beautiful russet skin, feel his hard, hot body next to mine again.

It seemed he was stronger than me – or he had more experience in temperance since I had kept him waiting for a very long time. He backed away from me and, with a final glance, jumped out onto the window sill. I looked out and I could see his figure entering the woods.

I sat down on the edge of the window, sighing. _Well, Bella, lesson's up._ _You must narrow three,__ down to one. Because there can be only one._

***

**A.N.: Sorry for the Highlander line, but that was a must. :) The next chapter will be the final. Or maybe not. Who knows, maybe something will pop into my mind in the last minute.**


	6. Waking up

_Hi everyone! I know, you must all gave up on me for not uploading for so long, but life caught up with me bad. But finally *drumroll* here is the last chapter of Another. This is not betad, because I figured if I wouldn't upload this now I might never, so please forgive me the grammar mistakes._

_Enjoy, and please do tell what you think about it!_

_Love,_

_Wil_

_***_

I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep with all those thoughts in my head, but I was sound asleep not long after Jacob had left. Maybe my mind couldn't process the plethora of problems, and switched off to save me. It was very effective, because I only sat up in my bed a little before ten o'clock. Far later than ever in the past year. It was also a nightmareless sleep, and I felt very relaxed despite the events of last night. Also a rare occurrence lately. My body may knew something that my brain didn't.

I walked down the stairs slowly, prepared for the moment when reality would eventually catch up with me. I found Charlie at the kitchen table, buried deep into the morning paper. _Shouldn't he be out, fishing?_

"What are you doing here?" I inquired, while taking orange juice and eggs out of the fridge.

"Good morning to you too," he answered grumpily, not even looking up.

"What happened to the fishing trip?" I cleared out my previous question, so it didn't sound like a reproach.

"Cancelled. That Martin guy keeps calling you," he murmured under his mustache, quasi incidentally, but I knew he was looking for my response.

Well, hello reality. All of my distress crashed onto me in an instant. Martin. Edward. Jacob. Decisions. If he was waiting for an eruptive reaction, he got it, as I squeezed the bottle of juice so tightly its cap flew up, and a fountain of liquid drowned the kitchen floor and my PJ's.

He looked at me quizzically, putting down the also soaked newspaper. I answered with an apologetic smile and was headed for the mop, but he stopped me.

"You had a nightmare again?" he asked with a hint of bantering in his voice. "I thought I heard voices coming from your room."

I halted on my way out of the kitchen, momentarily, but quickly continued my walk to avoid suspicion. Not that there was anything to avoid anymore. I knew he heard Jacob, I could tell it from his tone. But I played innocent anyway. I wouldn't admit anything voluntarily.

"Yeah, tough one," I answered on my most sincere voice.

"I hope that cleared up your problems," he said, enjoying my masked embarrassment.

"Sort of," I answered, and I was pretty convinced we weren't talking about my dreams any more.

He nodded approvingly and went back to the remains of his paper. I mopped the floor and scrambled the eggs, thinking that Charlie must really like Jacob, if he was willing to overlook the fact that he was in my room at the middle of the night. I absently spooned my breakfast into my plate when I heard him talk again.

"You know, I wonder, your window is very high..." he trailed off, looking at me questioningly.

I just shrugged my shoulders, smiling coyly while answering,

"There's no stopping the dreams when they want to come."

He also smiled, but put on the strict father face a second away. He folded the paper, sat up and retorted on his way out.

"Tell them to use the door."

***

When Charlie left, I found myself alone with my thoughts again. The task was simple: let lose two of the three boys in my life to be able to dedicate myself to the one I really love. This was way harder then I thought. Well, not the part with Martin, I gone through that pretty fast. I didn't love him, didn't even like him, so I was ready to let him go. The part with Edward was a tricky one. For one, I found that impossible to concentrate on Edward and nobody else. Through all these months, he was always on my mind, but I never thought of him directly. He was always at the periphery of my notion, but I feared to turn my full attention towards him. That was a remainder of the pain from back then, when every memory had burned a hole in my chest. His name always popped up in my head, and I saw his face for a mere second, but I couldn't think about emotions. I didn't know I couldn't any more, or couldn't at all.

Pacing in the house didn't help one bit. I would have thought that the time we spent together here left some mark on the house, but I couldn't relate one single item inside to him. He was always so out there, so ethereal, he never really fit in. When he sat on the couch I hadn't seen Edward on the couch, just Edward. He was not part of anything. Or maybe that was a sign, that Jacob was right, after all. When I was with him I hadn't seen anything else in the world. Nothing mattered, expect for him. Was I really that obsessed?

I looked around at the house; desperately trying to find something that would prove otherwise. But I found nothing. Since he took everything that could remind me of him, there really was nothing that related to him. As I was frantically looking for a tangible proof of memories, I found things that reminded me of Jacob instead. He was the opposite of Edward. He incorporated everything he touched. At the kitchen I put the cups in the sink, and I could see how they juggled with them. I set right of the pillows on the sofa and I remembered how we watched movies, cuddled. Jacob was part of the house, Edward was just in there. Could that be transferred into the emotional part as well? I didn't know, but I knew, that the house wasn't the place where I could sort that out. I had to go to the one place, that hold the most memories of Edward. The meadow.

***

I hadn't been to that place since I met with the wolves the first time. Seems like it was eons ago. I came here to seek him then, something to hold onto, because I was unable to let him go. Now, I came here to learn how to leave him behind me.

I looked around at the meadow searching for the thing, the lingering aura of his essence in the place. But there was nothing. In fact it was a little disappointing. Everything was brown and sad, not at all magical and beautiful as I remembered it. It was pleasant, but nothing special. I sat down to a log to think. Maybe that was the key to my affection to Edward. He made this place special as he made me special. Like a rock star. I didn't loved him as he was, but for what he was. Being with him made my dull little life exciting. It was the moment I realized that I was absolutely dependent of Edward, and I idolized him. To sum up: I figured I had been a groupie.

Seeing everything in this whole new light I saw how different it was from what we had now with Jacob. He also made me special, but not because what he was, but because how he treated me. It would be exactly like this if he wouldn't be a werewolf. In fact when I thought about Edward I always pictured him as a vampire, when I thought about Jacob I didn't saw him as a werewolf, but just as Jacob. My Jacob.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. My heart felt lighter. It was like a hundred tons of weight had been lifted off of me. My life wasn't over after all, so I wouldn't have to mourn anymore.

I laughed out loud in relief as I jumped off from the log and basically ran to the edge of the meadow. For the last time, I stopped at the edge of the forest and looked back on that special spot. Now, that I could think about Edward without heartbreak I could place him in my memory into the place he supposed to be, the place for the first love. Because he was my first love, but now I know he wasn't my true love. This realization made me capable to say the words that I should have said a long time ago.

"Good bye, Edward."

I stepped into the woods and I know I wouldn't come back here.

Well, one more break-up to go.

***

Breaking up with Martin was easier than I thought it would be, given that he was on the verge of breaking up with me too. It occurred that he wasn't as oblivious to the happenings as I thought he was. So basically he ended our so called relationship. It was all the same for me. I got what I wanted.

I planned that I would visit Jacob the following day, because it didn't feel right to broke up with two guys, and acquire a new boyfriend the same day. I really wanted to do everything right with him. But my heart had different plans. It gained control over my feet and hands and drove the truck towards La Push instead of home. My stomach did little flip-flops in anticipation and I felt myself more relaxed and eased up than ever in the last year. I finally had something to look out for and be exited about. Now I missed the radio in the car. Listening to music didn't feel like a bad idea anymore.

I arrived t Jacob's house in the best mood and basically ran to the door, but before I could knock I heard my future boyfriend's voice, coming from behind the house.

"Back there, Bella!"

How could he... Ohh. I always forgot about the werewolf hearing. The best thing about Jacob, that whether he was a ferocious beast or not, he was still my Jacob, the nicest guy in world. That was why I kept forgetting that he explodes into a wolf sometimes. He could be special with staying normal.

I quickly got around the house just to see Jacob and Sam Uley slicing planks on a buck. They seemed to repair the back porch. They were clothed now. Well, if you could call a t-shirt and a full length jeans clothed in that freezing weather. But it was good too now there were a cold temperature limit even for them. Jacob beamed at my arrival. He took off his gloves and hurried towards me. I found myself disappointed that I didn't find Jake alone, so my greeting smile lost some of its shine. As a result his too, as he immediately suspected bad news. My heart ached that I could mislead him, even if just for a couple of minutes, but I wanted to make this talk alone.

"Hi. Sam, could you leave us alone?" I asked the other man without removing my eyes from Jake's. I tried to reflect positivity, but Jacob eyed me doubtfully. He needed certainty now, I could understand that.

From the corner of my eye I saw Sam nod and leave, not bothering to wait to reach the woods before phasing. I could swear I saw an approving smile on his lips before he left.

So it was Jacob and me now, and I had no idea where to begin. It was a simple task, I needed to tell him I was free and I was his altogether, but I didn't want to blurt it out. This was a great moment after all. On my way here I planned a speech but seeing him before me, afraid that I might crush him, I couldn't make him wait any longer. He just looked at me expectantly, folding his gloves in his hands nervously.

"I broke up with Martin," I exclaimed, but I couldn't see the tension releasing in him. That was not the part he was waiting for.

"I broke up with Edward, too. You know, in here," I said touching my temple, and now I sensed a change in his demeanor. He visibly loosened up, and a promise of a smile appeared on his lips. He came closer, dropping the gloves on his way, just to stop one step before me.

"What about in here?" he asked, softly placing his hand on my heart. I sighed as a result of his touch, and I felt my legs go weak, imagining how would my body react to him doing more intimate things, if a simple touch made me feel so dizzy.

"I think that happened a while ago," I responded in a whisper." I was just too obsessed to see."

He gave me a relieved smile and I could see him mouth "finally" before he pulled me into a bear hug. When I could breath again I felt like I wanted to tell him my revelations about Edward. I didn't know it was appropriate or not, to discuss this with him, but he was my best friend first and foremost, so I decided to tell.

"You know I realized something, " I started, as he let me at arm length, so I could see his face. "I'm a tree."

His eyebrows shot up at my strange exclamation.

"How so?" he asked, trying very hard to hold in his laugh, which almost make me laugh, but I was determined to let this out.

"You know I kind of always thought about Edward as a tree," I commenced, surprised at myself how easy it was to talk about this now. "I was a flower or leaf, or whatever on this tree, only connecting to the earth through him."

The meaning of my metaphor must caught him, because he turned serious suddenly, and hold me a little tighter. I smiled at him, assuring him it was fine to talk about it, and that calmed him down. He was, not surprisingly, still a little jumpy at the mention of Edward.

"So, when he cut me off I thought I lost everything. That I couldn't live through without him. But now I just realized, that I was wrong. It was the other way around. I'm the tree. I have roots and other benches. There's so many things in my life I can look forward to."

The way he looked at me told me he understood my every word. He watched me with respect and love, and I understood he was waiting for me to say this from the beginning. It was right to tell him my feelings. By this he could understand me better, and he could see that now I saw the things clearly as they had been, and I was able let Edward go forever. That was his guarantee.

We stood there, staring at each other, for a couple of minutes when he cleared his throat.

"So, you're a tree?" he asked with a straight face.

I nodded hesitantly, not sure where were we going with this.

"I'm sorry, does that offend you?" he pointed at the chopped woods at the buck with fake concern.

Here we go. That was my Jacob. He couldn't stay serious for a long time. I punched him in the shoulder but decided to take part at the game.

"I'm sure I can be conciliated, " I said at my most seductive voice.

He turned back to me with a full power Jacob smile and leaned in to kiss me, but he stopped at the last inch, and backed off a little.

"Wait a minute, does the make me a tree-hugger?" he mocked me, and I would have laughed if I wouldn't be so eager to kiss him right now. So I just answered,

"Shut up!" and pulled his face back so our lips could finally meet. He was still smiling while kissing me and I couldn't be happier knowing I made him happy. After so much agony and hurt he finally got the girl that he wanted. And that girl was me.


End file.
